Hope you enjoy the blog; may it bless and encourage you!

Murphy Geer Toerner

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Austin TX and Baton Rouge, LA, United States
I enjoy helping people. I am an encourager and I can see the good in others. I want people to understand what it means to be an authentic Christian and not just a religious "nut." I believe if Christians lived and loved others as Jesus lived and loved others, we would experience more of heaven on earth than hell on earth. These thoughts and writings are intended to encourage you to be who God originally designed you to be. They are also intended to challenge you and make you think. Also, I want you to know that I'm praying for you every day. Blessings, Murphy Blessings to you, Murphy

Monday, July 21, 2008

No Kid Leaves Home Done ...

I'm in the middle of a developmental stage. Some of you would never think that at 55+ I'd be navigating through a developmental stage. This is a term used for babies and kids in Pre-K through 8th grade, isn't it?

No, the truth is all of us navigate through a variety of stages throughout our lifetimes. My current one falls under the heading, "Role of Parent Quickly Changes as Son Launches." You see, my older son recently graduated from LSU and he moved on to pursue his career and fulfill a life-long dream. On one hand, as a parent I am thrilled to see the light at the end of the financial, money pit tunnel. Yet, on the other hand and with equal passion, I feel a sense of grief because of the changes in our close knit family unit. On another hand, (hey wait ... that's three hands) I struggle with a tiny amount of dread; realizing the truth of the Murphy-ism, "No kid leaves home done."

If you are a parent, you know what I'm talking about. If you are not a parent, you'll know in about 18 to 20 years. As your son or daughter launchs from your family, you will notice some values and qualities that you thought were present, but they aren't there. You'll also notice a few things you hoped would never reside in your son or daughter; yet there they are as big as life. It is a hard reality to navigate through.

Thank God our self-esteem as parents isn't dependent on our children's performance. If your's is, you're in deep trouble. Our sons and daughters don't leave home complete. You know how I know? I know because I'm 55+ and I'm not finished growing either. How could I possibly expect a 20, 21, 22+ year old be mature when I, as an old person, am not anywhere close to being as mature as Christ would have me be.

So, what are we to do? Here are a couple of things to consider: (1) Be ready for a continual stream of developmental stages thoughout your lifetime. (2) Don't expect your son or daughter to be totally mature when they launch from your home. (3) For sure don't link your parental self-esteem to the successes of failures of your children. (4) Trust that as your son or daughter launches, God will send a perpetual stream of people who will carry on in your place. They will be God's instruments in helping your young adult continue to grow, change, mature, and ultimately win (in the sense that they will be who God originally intended them to be.)

So, don't let the developmental stage you are in freak you out. Just hang in there and look for what God is trying to accomplish in you. He will show you at the proper time.

Blessings to you ... muchly, m

1 comment:

  1. Murphy,
    Now that I've gotten used to having adult children, I'm pretty excited at the mentoring aspect and sharing with them about my walk with Christ on a more adult level.
    One aspect of negogiating my way into the developmental stage of being the parent of adult children is learning to set a new kind of boundary with them. As the parent of minor children, I had parental authority over them and felt that it was my job to discipline them when they did something that was not good for them, or others, etc. But adult children, are under the authority of God, their employer, and society's laws.
    So while my children are more dear to me than any of my friends, my expectation is that they will behave toward me as they would toward everyone (and hopefully better), polite and respectful. Although I no longer have to discipline them if they are disrepectful to me or in my presence or in my home, I can set clear boundaries as to what I will tolerate and show them this by treating them as I would any other adult. We are all still growing everyday.