Memorial Day Tribute

Memorial Day Tribute

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Holding God in Your Debt

Is it possible for a person to "hold God in their debt?"   Yes.  It is possible.  

Holding God in your debt is when you hold on to your anger, frustration, annoyance, dissatisfaction, disappointment, and discouragement about life, love, success, failure, happiness, sadness, dashed dreams and unmet goals and you blame God for everything.

Blaming God is rooted in the thought that if God is sovereign, then He could have brought to fruition the things that you wanted or the things you thought you deserved.  You're upset with God because He did not do something or give you something that from your perspective was a "no brainer." So, when God did NOT solve the situation the way you'd hoped or thought was best, when He did not rescue you from a consequence that you deserved, when He did not resolve the burden you were carrying, when He did not come through for you in the way you were demanding, you assumed that He was not really a good Father or a loving Father.  

In your disappointment, you became angry and disgruntled. You may have thought something like, "You're God! You could have solved this; resolved this; intervened in this.  But you didn't. Why? Don't you care about me? Don't you love me? Don't you understand how much this situation is going to hurt me?!?!?!"  When any of us think like this, in actuality we are "holding God in our debt."  We believe that God OWES us something and we will hold this over His head until we get what we want from Him.

This is a terrible mistake.  If you are doing this right now, humble yourself before the Father in Heaven and repent.  

I don't know why God did not intervene in the way that seemed so right or logical to you. What I do know is ~ God is totally wise and sovereign.  He is a perfectly loving Father.  He always deserves our love and obedience whether we understand what He does or doesn't do.  He is God and we, as Christians, are His children.  

Meekness

2011 Walt Disney Pictures.

One of the definitions of "meekness" is power under control.
The image in the Greek is that of a "war horse" that is ready to charge; yet the horse is totally submissive to the authority of his rider.  

The horse is complete willing, ready and able to run down two of the enemy at a time, but

he will not move forward until given the command to do so by his rider.  

Jesus was meek.  He wasn't a wimp.  He was completely under the authority of his Father in Heaven.

Do you obey the Father in this way?

Efficacy of Personal Coaching

1.     The concept of coaching has been around for thousands of years.  It is a positive and powerful relationship between a wise, experienced, positive, motivational, and knowledgeable person who is easy to connect with and trust.  This person is the coach. 

The coach is engaged by one who understands and believes that he/she could be and do more in various roles and responsibilities in his/her life: spouse, parent, friend, employee, employer, and/or athlete. 

Coaching is a forward thinking approach to change and enhanced success.

2.     When a person takes the time to seek out and contract with a personal coach, they probably have navigated through the first two stages of change, pre-contemplation and contemplation, and are either approaching the action stage or fully present in the action stage.   The one being coached is emotionally, motivationally, intellectually, spiritually, and psychologically READY to do what’s necessary for specific and successful change that is long-lasting.

3.     Personal coaching is not simply behavior management; no sticks and carrots are used to mindlessly alter behavior via rewards and punishments.

a.    Coaching is based on a positive, healthy, and ethical relationship between the coach and the coachee.  It is a relationship of trust, teachability, openness and mutual respect.

b.     The coaching relationship is a professional and contractual relationship.  Specific items  are agreed upon before the coaching takes place, including:

                                               i.     Time, frequency, and type of meeting (phone or face-to-face

                                            ii.     Fees for coaching are set: price per session or price per month, how fees are to be paid

                                            iii.     Length of coaching relationship (3, 6, 9, or 12 months)

                                           iv.   The coaches interactions and conduct are based on an accepted set of professional ethics

c.      A coach meets the coachee where he/she is. 

d.     A coach skillfully approaches the coachee and facilitates the coachee’s journey through a specific coaching theory.  One clear-cut and simple to remember model is by Dr. Jeffery Auerbach, entitled the G. O. O. D. approach:

                                               i.     G – Set goals

                                              ii.     O – Brainstorm about various options

                                            iii.     O – Be mindful of evident and hidden obstacles, which need to be addressed in order to achieve success.

                                            iv.     D – The coach and coachee decide what the coachee is to “do” that week

e.     A skillful coach using the art of questioning and the G. O. O. D. model can help a coachee discover whether there is hierarchy of goals or a specific order of goals. 

For example, a coachee may believe he/she is ready to start a new business in a new city.  However, through dialogue, self-examination, and reasoning, the coach and the coachee realize that the coachee has not fully grieved leaving a 20+-year business in another region of the country.  They both agree that before building a new business, the coachee must thoroughly process all the changes, which have recently taken place.  Once the grieving process has been addressed, THEN, the coachee will be ready with the proper energy and motivation to begin building a new business.

4.     Personal coaching is highly successful because the coachee conceptualizes what his/her goals are and what the best options are to achieve success.  Since the coachee is the driving force in setting their goals, an automatic “buy-in” is created for the coachee.  Their “buy-in” is a key to motivation and endurance.  The coach is a facilitator, reflector, and illuminator.  The coachee’s values and strengths are highlighted and fully engaged in the entire process.  As specific, personal weaknesses or roadblocks are discovered, they are viewed as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles. 

5.     On a personal level, having been coached both personally and professionally; I can attest that every time I have utilized coaching I have had both positive and productive results.  EVERY TIME!  In a one-time 10-20 minute coaching exercise, one can experience a deeply positive and productive out come. 

Something to Think About

• God knows all, sees all, is all powerful, and ever present.
• God is never stupid.
• He created me to be a human being.  He knows I'm fallible, fragile, and vulnerable.
• He knows that because of my humanity I have a principle of sin, which indwells me.
• God knows what I will think, say and do a bazillion years before I do.  Nothing surprises Him.
• Does God allow me to sin?   He has the power to convict me before I do what is wrong?  He could easily force me to follow Him perfectly.
• Does He wait to see if I will use my free will to choose His way over my way?
• Would God ever allow me to sin because He knows that in my brokenness He can capture more of my heart for Him?   
• God uses my failures and brokenness to turn my heart, mind, face, and will back toward Him.
• When I fail, I'm reminded of my deep, complete need for my Heavenly Father, my Savior ... Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, my heavenly Power Source.

Murphy Toerner

Easter Season - 2012

John 3:16 -- For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.

John 10:17-18 -- For this reason the Father loves Me, because I lay down My life that I may take it again. No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I receive from my Father.

John 15:13 -- Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

Romans 5:6 & 8 -- For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Prayer by Dale Taliaferro --

"I don't remember what the circumstances were that led me to prayer -- 'Lord, I want to be changed. The rest of my life I want to be know for expressing Your love and grace in all situations while holding fast to Your Word.' Loving others is supposed to be a testimony to the world that we are followers of Jesus. Showing grace to them overcomes their resistance to the spiritual realities centered in Jesus."

Thinking of You!!!

To all my friends and family ...

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

Small Victories

(Photo by Murphy Toerner, San Diego, CA)

As best you can, take note of the small victories in your life.

"A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step."

The accumulation of innumerable "I'm doing better," will ultimately

bring you to the place of, "I'm well."

Murphy Toerner

Psalm 3 - A psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son. A Morning Prayer of Trust in God

Psalm 3

1. O LORD, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me.

2. Many are saying of my soul, "There is no deliverance for him in God." Selah

3. But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head.

4. I was crying to the LORD with my voice, and He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah

5. I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.

6. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me round about.

7. Arise, O LORD; save me, O my God! For You have smitten all my enemies on the cheek; You have shattered the teeth of the wicked.

8. Salvation belongs to the LORD; Your blessing be upon Your people!!!! Selah

Always remember that your enemies are not flesh and blood.

Your enemies are Satan, his host of fallen angels, and the principalities of this world.

Your family, friends, co-workers, authority figures, spouse, children and others are not your enemies.

Also remember, what Satan means for hard, God ALWAYS means for good.

Therefore, look for the good in every situation. God is working in every detail even when you can not see His hand.

Much love, Murphy

God Has My Back

Recently, I had the privilege of speaking at the Jefferson Baptist Women's Tea in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. It was a wonderful experience.

The tables were gorgeous and the atmosphere was delightful. The name of the talk was, "Finding Rest in the Chaos of Life."

The very next week I had an opportunity to practice the very lessons that I shared with the ladies attending the tea. Although initially, I felt off-balance in a certain situation, I realized that God was giving me an opportunity to trust Him in the midst of a chaotic situation and when I chose to trust Him, I was able to regain His peace and His sense of perspective in the middle of a jolting situation. It was a divine experience.

If you are facing a chaotic situation, I hope that you know "God Has Your Back!!!!" If He is watching out for you, what do you have to fear? Nothing at all.

Bless you all,

Murphy

Cal and Sara Toerner have trained "Mike, the cat" well.

Geaux Tigers!!!!!!!!!!

2012 - Don't Fret

No matter how dark life seems,

God will illuminate your path!!!!

(Photo and Quote - Murphy Toerner)

Psalm 4:1

Psalm 4:1 - Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!

You have relieved me in my distress;

Be gracious to me and hear my prayer.

How often do you pick up your cell phone to call or text someone because something happened and you want to share your life with them. Why do we reach out like that, it's because we're "hard-wired" by God to connect with others.

David didn't need a cell phone to "call" God; he prayed. David KNOWS God pretty well. God is the source of all goodness and righteousness within him. Without God, David is helplessly flawed. David is a human being; God is perfectly divine. God consistently "answers" David when he "calls."

When God answers his "call," David experiences relief from his distress.

Today, when you find yourself wanting to call a friend to find relief from your distress, try calling, i.e., praying to God. Tell Him the details of your situation. Describe what your feelings are in this distressing moment. Pour your heart out to the One who always answers. You will find relief for your weary soul just as David did.

Reasons to Read the Psalms

When you want ... Read

To find comfort Psalm 23

To meet God intimately Psalm 103

To learn a new prayer Psalm 136

To learn a new song Psalm 92

To learn more about God Psalm 24

To understand yourself more clearly Psalm 8

To know how to come to God each day Psalm 5

To be forgiven for your sins Psalm 51

To feel worthwhile Psalm 139

To understand why you need the Bible Psalm 119

To give praise to God Psalm 145

To know that God is in control Psalm 146

To give thanks to God Psalm 136

To please God Psalm 15

To know why you should worship God Psalm 104

God's Word was written to be studied, understood, and applied, and the book of Psalms lends itself most directly to application. (Life Application Study Bible, p.895)

"Reading the Psalms will change you from the inside out." - Murphy Toerner

The Illusion of Control

Do you try to control situations and people in your life? Do you try to control your children, boyfriend/girlfriend, or your spouse? Do you use control as a means to gaining a sense of security?

A lot of people go through life trying to control circumstances and people, but the thought of successfully controlling anyone or anything is an illusion. When you really think about it, there is no such thing as control.

Somewhere along the way Christians embraced the idea that if their children looked perfect, acted perfect, and achieved a lot, then the parents proved they were good Christians. (Our children's performances don't prove anything. Anyone can "look good" on the outside, and yet, their hearts are far from God.

How do we control our children? We use threats, manipulation, and other things to get them to do what we want. How do we try to control our spouses? Again, we use threats, rejection, shame, criticism, withdrawal, or contempt. We say all sorts of things. We will even throw out the "D-word" (divorce) every now and then just to scare them into doing what we want.

We often attempt to control our sense of well-being and security by performing perfectly or having a huge groups of tennis buddies and Bible study friends. We think if we have enough money and resources we'll insulate ourselves from hardships and disappointments. If we can be the president of this organization or a leader of that committee, we will gain the status we seek. If we live in the most popular or pricey neighborhood, we believe people will respect us or look up to us.

All of these are aimed at gaining some sort of control over situations or people. Sadly, the idea of successfully controlling anyone or anything is truly an illusion. It can't be done. If you believe you can control people or situations, think again. In fact, you'd better rethink your entire approach to life because all of your effort to control will fail. You will continue to try, however, because you've bought into the illusion of control.

Think about it. Can you really make an 18 year old son or daughter consistently clean their room? Can you make your middle schooler make all A's and B's on their report card? Can you force your spouse to be on time? Can you make a spouse change their value system? Even if you threaten divorce, will that make your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend stop doing a specific annoying behavior? Can you control events? Can you make more good ones happen; and less bad ones? Can you guarantee financial security? Can you be certain that your house will never burn down or you'll never get into another car accident?

We can not control life, circumstances, events, or people. Truthfully, we can barely control ourselves at times. Thinking we can control anything is just an illusion promoted by our enemy.

Interestingly enough, God understands the illusion of control. He never tries to control us. If He wanted to control us, He could. All He'd have to do is turn off the air in the atmosphere for about 30 seconds. That would surely get our attention and our complete, albeit coerced, obedience. But God does not do that. He understands the illusion of control.

Are you currently trying to control someone or something. If so, please stop! It is an exercise in futility. Instead, turn to God; trust in God; rely on Him. Nothing can touch your life that hasn't passed through the loving hands of your Father in heaven.

Psalm 3:3

November 18, 2011

Psalm 3 – vv. 3 (a Psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son)

v. 3. But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head.

David addresses God as, “LORD.” David is acknowledging that Jehovah is the supreme authority in his life. He is LORD. God is the ultimate authority and the totally sovereign God of heaven and earth. When God commands and instructs, David’s job is to be obedient to his LORD.

David knows Jehovah as a perfect “shield about me,” meaning God totally protects David and nothing can touch David without passing through the hands of a loving, perfect, divine Father. David understands that all good comes from above from God and yet, in God’s permissive will, He will allow Satan to come against us in the form of troubles, trials, temptations, deceptions, seductions, and human enemies and adversaries. Yet, we must remember that Satan is always the real enemy.

David knows the GLORY of God, meaning God is worthy of all praise, honor, and distinction from His children and followers. David is also asserting that God, the LORD, is the sole source of David’s honor, fame, and admiration. David is great because the LORD has made him great. David’s character qualities and honorable choices are present because the Spirit of God is his consistent counselor and guide and when David listens to God, the LORD, life is better.

Lastly, David proclaims God, the LORD to be the lifter of his head. This means David has experienced the gentle care, nurture, love and healing of God as a healer or even a parent. Parents who love their children are kind and gentle when their children are struggling with a problem, crisis, or illness. When people adore us they will lovingly “lift our heads” and tend to us.

Question: Do you see something new about God in this verse? Hang on to it throughout the day and meditate on the new insight.

Psalm 1

Psalm 1:1-3

1. How blessed is the man who does not walk in (practice) the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers!

2. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and His law he meditates day and night.

3. He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prosper’s.

Psalm 1 instructs us to be firmly planted in God and the inference is to be grounded and rooted in His ways, His word, His law, and His essence.

What does this “look like”? To me it means that God is the first Person I think of when I wake up and the last Person to whom I say good night. He is ever present in my life. He directs my path. He encourages. He loves me completely just as He does all His children. I praise Him for the great things in my life; I praise Him for the hurdles. I am confident that He is with me always and He faithfully hears my cries. These are the things that make me “prosper.” It is my relationship with Him that gives me an abundant life no matter what my current circumstances are.

Are You In Debt?

Last Updated: 11/05/2011 13:10 PST

The 5 Dumbest Things You Can Do if You Have too Much Debt

If you’re struggling with too much debt, you’re not alone. It seems as if the whole nation has a borrowing hangover. For years, credit was easy and many people became overextended. But, we now live in an era of austerity and it’s time to get our affairs in order.

The five strategies you may want to avoid:

The first piece of advice from experts in the field is to be sure you don't make your situation worse by making common mistakes. In particular try to avoid:

1. Paying only the minimum payment on your debt, as this will result in the amount you owe actually growing, and your problems will only become worse.

2. Relying on friends and family, as this can damage relationships with the most important people in your life.

3. Unscrupulous credit counselors that demand cash upfront or high fees for help they promise, but don't deliver.

4. Using new high-interest loans to pay off lower interest rate loans. It may be easier to just have one payment. but it will actually increase the amount you have to pay back.

5. Declaring bankruptcy. This can have permanent and severe consequences on your financial future. Avoid it if you can, especially when debt settlement may work for you.